I have a universe’s worth of cosmic differences at my hand
I can choose to believe in the Brahma, the God, gods, Buddha,
the deities of the sun, the moon, the sky, and stars, the
people, the light, the devil, the science, or the faith of my own life.
I can place trust in the living, non-existent, the myth, legend, the inanimate,
or abandon every movement if I choose.
I am free to test my faith with any person or thing, I could
sample the life, living, dead, and silent like Siddhartha
I would wait, think, and fast for none other than you
I want none to approve or deny my right to heaven nor hell,
ground nor ash except
I would gladly greet you at the gates of your Rightful home
I want truth and love from the hands
that sat folded in the casket
by the mortician who patched
your bruised and swollen face
in order to let me see you
one more time.
I want your soul back from the black hole or Big Bang
that took you
I need your soul back from the beginning or end that
You are my only belief system now
because if I can’t have you, I have no other choice
And it used to be that every night
I’d go to bed thinking of all the guys that didn’t love me
but now I think of the one brother
today is day 3 without you
and although each hour feels like an eternity
I still want people to talk of, love, and miss you
like it is day 1
the deepest desire within
to jump into the filled casket
and never let go or escape
Pain is the fear
of believing it’s real
Today is easier than yesterday. I was sure that the pain would never ease, but maybe my body is just tired of crying. It’s comforting to know that Garth would want me to go back to living life as soon as possible. Or sooner than possible. He lived life to the max and loved every second of it. Something I wish that I could actually do, even though he couldn’t believe me when I said that sometimes I just couldn’t. He didn’t believe in depression, but he believed in family. And it’s a shame that I couldn’t go in place of him.
I love you, Garth.
What did time taste like
when you let it burn down your throat